thank you

thank you ghada for indirectly motivating me to write. ghada always asks me why i don't often write in my blog. i blamed it on time and inspiration. last evening, i didn't want to disappoint ghada, so i opened a new post and allowed my 'pen' to flow. it turned out that you never forget 'how' to write. just like riding a bike :)

the bearer of the mute

one yellow afternoon, milan and his girlfriend, sala, were walking in the meadows when a huge sunflower appeared in front of them. impulsively, sala rushed over and bent down to pick it up. she tried pulling it, but it wouldn't come out. she tried again and again, but the obstinate flower didn't move an inch. milan was afraid to touch it. he grabbed sala by her arm and he headed back home.
that night, milan woke up at around midnight to the sound of heavy breathing. his heart beat fast inside his chest. since he sleeps alone in the room, he was scared to look outside his window or behind his bedroom door. curiosity won over. he rolled up the curtains and what he saw in front of his eyes drained the color from his face. the obstinate flower was right outside his window looking him in the eye. flowers don't have eyes, milan thought to himself, but he could swear on his mother's life that he saw eyes on the sunflower's head. and they weren't just any eyes. they were the eyes of pralin.
pralin is the 60-year-old concierge who helps milan's grandfather in his garden that hosts more than ten kinds of flowers. around 3 years ago, milan and his family used to live at his grandfather's house. pralin would keep any candy he was offered and save them just for milan. milan grew attached to prailn and regarded him sometimes as his 'really old brother.' but what used to bother milan a lot was the fact that sala was afraid of pralin. his eyes used to frighten her. she used to say that they spoke of ghosts and silent people. and for that reason she never had any of the candy that he gave milan. when milan's family first moved to where they live now, milan wasn't able to sleep well because he missed pralin and his grandfather. he missed walking around his grandfather's garden and caressing the wild and sweet flowers. he missed passing his hand over their heads and feel them sway with his touch.
milan didn't know what to make of the strange sunflower 'standing' at his window. he covered his eyes with his pillow, but the heavy breathing wouldn't stop. he wanted to cry but he knew that only a girl cries at the age of 17. when sala cries, milan hugs her, but he doesn't cry with her. it makes him sad to see her cry. but if he cries now, who will hug him? sala hugs him when they miss each other. but what he was feeling now was more intense than missing sala. he was feeling a mixture of nostalgia, fear and awe. he wanted the sunflower to fall dead, but he was also comforted by its presence. he was comforted by the fact that it was looking at him, yet not harrassing him. he slowly closed the curtains and tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep.
every night after that night, the sunflower visited milan. he knew it was there from the human sound that it made. some nights milan wouldn't wake up and look at it. but he'd stay awake until it went away. he got used to its regular appearance and so did it.
milan didn't tell sala of his encounter with the sunflower, and they never 'met' it again.
several months later, milan heard of the death of pralin. he was very sad and started having trouble sleeping. the sunflower stopped visiting him and milan grew worried. he told sala of what had been taking place for the past few months, but she didn't believe him. he couldn't tell his parents because they would also think that he was dreaming, sleepwalking or hallucinating.
by the time that milan became 20 years old, he had forgotten about the sunflower, and sala and her family had moved away to another town. milan was now going to college and made new friends. he didn't dare tell any of his friends about his sunflower, but for a reason, he knew that one day it will come visit him again.
milan had quite a quiet life. he got married at the age of 30 and raised a gentle family. milan had studied agriculture and so worked long hours in the fields. he ploughed, measured, planted and studied nature. one day in summer time, when he was in his early fifties, he was working ordinarily in the field. in the middle of the day, he got very tired and wasn't able to stand upright. he struggled to get on his feet, but tumbled down before he could reach his home.
his funeral was small and familiar. only his direct family members were present. but a very special friend appeared on his tombstone after a long long absence. it came as tall as milan had known it, but with a silence that muted the children of the town. not one child was able to make a sound after that day. they all fell silent. they weren't able to shout for help, yelp with joy or cry when in pain. babies were born without a cry. childen played without a sound and many of them went missing as they weren't able to even gasp with fear. the whole town associated their children's oral paralysis with milan's death. milan was to be remembered as the "bearer of the mute."

it's always good to know

i know that no one visits my blog. i know that no one knows it exists, except for the very few close friends. i know that i told them about it. if someone, other than those who know me personally, happens to come across this blog, post me a nice comment :) won't hurt no one

quietude

if you're studying or reading a book and want some soothing and jolly background music, try the following artists:

badly drawn boy
bright eyes
belle and sebastian
king of convenience
jack johnson

lonely planet

let's move in together

last week a mouse lived with my friend's family for 5 days. a rat lived in their neighbor's house for a few days. several cockroaches stayed in my grandfather's closet for 10 days.

how do you treat unwelcome visitors/guests?

1) pretend they're not there
2) acknowledge that they're there but pretend you're ok with it
3) if you can't beat them, join them